


Smile For Me

by Davechicken



Series: Kylux - Fluff & Angst [89]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 16:23:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8674390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: Kylo does not smile enough.





	

The first time Hux pulled Kylo’s mask from his face, the man was a wreck. He’d not been observed by real eyes in years, and his face had forgotten what it meant to be seen. Eyes that forgot to not run around like startled animals, a mouth that curled around every tiny emotion. No checks, no balances, just pure stimulus-response.

He’d nearly _cried_ , and Hux had been equal parts horrified and intrigued. The General had not resisted when the man shoved his face into his neck while they found their clumsy release. Kylo had been so embarrassed he’d nearly sobbed when he climaxed, and Hux had needed to spoon him from behind as their emissions cooled and they got more used to one another.

The fear had always been there on unmasking for weeks on end. Kylo had stopped flinching away from fingers, and he’d leaned into kisses and touches. He’d learned eye-contact, and Hux had wondered many a time if the boy was just too broken for him to help fix. He’d been terrified at the prospect of failing and making him feel _worse_ , but then the boy had warmed, he’d thawed, and things had improved.

By degrees, yes, but he’s warmed all the same.

Hux has never done that before. He’s never met a person, and made them better for knowing him. Quite aside from the sex, just the… connection. _Any connection_. Has he ever formed one before? Maybe not. Maybe he could only forge one with someone even less formed and together than himself, who couldn’t see the flaws in his own psyche. 

But he has. He’s helped. And it feels… good.

***

Right now, Kylo lies facing him, and their bodies sigh around the after-shocks of pleasure. When it’s happening, it’s easy to fake an idea that it’s selfish, that it’s… efficient. That the release is just helpful for their bodies, and their moods. Floods of chemicals to rinse out their pain, and a tap drilled in to spile out the worst of their tension. 

But after… after they stare across the void that is their bed, he watches the emotion dance on open display, and he wonders if Kylo knows how much he can see. He wonders if it’s the same for Kylo, able to read his mind. Is he there, right now? Is he inside his skull? He thinks loudly, thinks: blink _now_. There is a delay, and Hux isn’t sure. 

Today, Hux is the little spoon. He can’t look any more, not at such a beautiful face so full of sorrow. He deserves so much more, and Hux hides from the pain of it inside of his arms.

***

Kylo smiles very rarely. It’s normally the kind of twisted amusement Hux also knows, and he wonders if it’s just him echoing his own expression. Frivolity was always a transgression, and irony the only safe harbour for his wit. Pleasure in failure, and pleasure in pain. 

It’s complicated.

He sees the twisted razor-wire of Kylo’s lips, and he wishes he could kiss the barbs away. He doesn’t know where to begin, when he can’t even smile for himself.

***

In the mornings, Kylo is always at his softest, and so Hux wakes early on purpose to see. Before the weight of the day can hit his shoulders, he’s peaceful and innocent. He’s gentle and soft, and Hux can’t get enough of that sleepy-happy face. Slack with ease, and he just wants to _touch_. 

Kylo catches him watching, and he blushes. He doesn’t give up, though, and he kisses his lips instead of failing with his words. 

***

The first time he sees the man’s face truly light up, it’s right after he slips with his tongue. An endearment he isn’t sure the Knight is ready to hear, and after the pale-cheeked shock comes the blushing-shrinking smile, which Kylo can’t wrestle down forever. 

Hux laughs, and Kylo shakes, but he saw the smile and he won’t give up. He cups the man’s face in his hands, and kisses it all over so he can hide if he wants to.

 _Love_. That’s all. He called him _love_ and the man lit up like the skies above a barren world. Hux kisses the leaks from around his eyes, and holds him close.

The smile gives way to almost-crying again, and from wrestling touches to sweet, sweet lovemaking. He keeps his forehead to Kylo’s as he takes him slow and sure. Whispers it’s true, and feels doubt and shame crest and break in his certainty.

Kylo _does_ cry. Silently, as one who’s had to hide his sorrow for years. He cries, and he tries to hide, and Hux just kisses his cheeks dry over and over and tells him it’s okay. Over and over, until Kylo’s empty and shuddering, and he gleams under the fingertips that chase his face.

 _I love you_.

He should have said it sooner.

***

The next night, his own Knight is nowhere to be found. Hux waits for hours, and he doesn’t appear. He asks the mainframe, but he’s nowhere to be found. The tracker removed, and pushed under a pillow. 

He can’t find Kylo, and panic sets in. 

An alert set, demanding the whereabouts. Hux storms through the ship, even though it won’t do any real good, and he walks straight into Ren. Ren, who must have tracked _him_ down.

“Where were you?”  


Kylo shrugs it off, his body-language guarded. “I thought…”

“Whatever it was, no.” Hux grabs his clothes, pulls his mask against his head. He can see the expression, even through the plates. “I need you. Come home with me.”  


Fear. That’s what drove the Knight to run. Fear of intimacy, fear of being known. The knowledge that any more and a rejection would destroy him utterly… but it’s mutually assured, now. They are in this too far to step politely away, and Hux can’t do it.

“Come home,” Hux begs, knowing he, himself, will never smile without the ridiculous mess of a man in his arms, his bed, his heart, his life. “I need you.”

Hux hears the smile, even through the silent tears under Kylo’s helm. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” It’s all okay.  


He’ll make sure of it. 

And he’ll see that smile every day if it’s the last thing he does.


End file.
